THE JOY OF BEING AND RELATING

by Allen Holmquist

Joy, Being, Relating -- these are words that ring true to the tone of this Conference -- the hope for this year and the opportunity of this lifetime.

Joy. (joi) n. 1. a very glad feeling-, happiness; great pleasure; delight.

We have had Joy in our dictionaries for centuries but it wasn't until recently that Joy broke into psychology. The business of introspection was serious work, spread over many years, culminating in an over-analyzed, bland, and bored person. Happiness was, at best, the absence of problems. But, out of this darkness came illumination, and, as our pupils adjusted, Abraham Maslowe could be seen directing the light in our direction. I'm grateful to him for showing those that would see, that life can be more than learning to adjust to our inadequacies. Joy descends upon psychology.

Another of Maslowe's contributions is the Hierarchy of Needs. At one end of this scale are the basic needs: (1) physical, followed by (2) safety, (3) belongingness and love, (4) esteem, and (6) self-actualization. The first three needs, along with the need for esteem from others, are met basically by looking outside oneself and getting what is wanted from the environment. This is necessary and good, of course. Satisfaction of these needs results in the experience of pleasure or happiness.

The highest needs of humans manifest only after the outer-directed needs are primarily met and become much less important. These higher needs are for self-esteem and self-actualization. Please note the emphasis, as the fundamental difference in higher needs is that attention is now turned inward, toward the Self, the core of our Being.

Joy is the satisfaction of a Self-need, a Being-need that emanates from our core. We create Joy by seeing a necessary step toward Self-love or Self- actualization and taking that step. Only you can know what decision is right and only you can make it happen. In this higher realm of inner direction, only you direct and play. The two essential elements of Joy are Self-awareness and will -- awareness of a growing step and the exercise of will causing the movement.

Joy is beautiful in and of itself, but Joy held in falls short of Self-actualization. We are a totality of body, emotions, mind and spirit, and full Beingness requires full expression. The experience of Joy, that outpouring of Self-love and Self-growth, demands revelation to the world around us. And so Joy brings more Joy, and offers the possibility of relatedness between two Beings reaching out from a solid center of Self- awareness.

Since Joy is a state of Being, an attitude, how can we bring more joy into our lives? Just changing our actions or environment will not do it, so the change must come from within. (No surprise here; all change comes from within!) It is possible to create a feeling of Joy with the technique of Evocative Words. First, display in your house or place of work the word JOY. Second, bring conscious attention to bear on JOY, using the following steps:

1. Assume a state of relaxation and observe JOY either mentally or visually.

2. Reflect on the meaning of Joy.
3. Recall times in your life when you felt Joy; re-experience them, trying to "feel" Joy in the here and now, letting it effuse your Being.

Frequent use of this technique will allow you to feel Joy more often and help stimulate spontaneous Joy.

Of course, any technique, however useful, will not make you a Joyful person. The task is yours, my friend; the journey is different for all travelers. The scenery changes, the timing varies, but one truth remains: Your Self knows all the answers and the answer is your Self.

By its definition, Joy is an attitude that has little to do with the present state of our environment. An old story of three stonecutters illustrates this well. A medieval cathedral was in the first stages of construction and three stone- cutters were asked in turn, "What are you doing?" The first replied in an angry tone, 'You can see. I'm cutting stones." The second answered, "I am earning a life for myself and my family."

But, the third answered joyously, "I am building a great cathedral!" All were doing exactly the same work, but while the first had a sense of futility because of the dull and humble nature of his work, and the second found a small personal purpose in it, the third saw the real purpose of the stonecutting. He realized that without it the cathedral would not be built, and he was infused with the Joy of his partnership in a meaningful goal.

Joy, Being, Relating, Self-esteem, Self- actualization, attitude, meaning, awareness. Important ideas that spin a complex story. Simply put, our purpose for being in this body and on this planet is to Be in ourselves and reach outward to others with expression of that essence. From the core of Self- love, combined with a genuine compassion for humans near and far, comes a guaranteed result -- JOY.

Joy is doing right by my-Self

Energies flowing harmoniously

Building, growing and relating

loving life.