How Do I Choose A Therapist?

Having decided to begin counseling, you are faced with the dilemma of finding the right therapist. The most important factor, by far, in successful therapy is your relationship with the therapist. Consider talking to a few on the telephone or even having a session or two to insure that you feel comfortable, safe, and encouraged. We have compiled a list of guidelines to aid you in this important choice. We want you to have a therapist who...

1. Seems warm, accepting, and non-judgmental. Does he or she seem to have a sense of humor.

2. Is emotionally healthy. Does he/she seem to feel at ease with himself/herself?…seem to be anxious, arrogant or depressed.

3. Is decent, respectful, and non-condescending. A person who does not shows off, nor belittles either you or him/herself.

4. Is trained in talk therapy, not just in "pill therapy." Beware of someone who offers medication (e.g., Prozac) as the solution to all of your problems.

5. Accepts and encourages the idea that clients are entitled to shop around for a therapist before they commit. Accepts the idea that second opinions may be helpful in the course of therapy.

6. Encourages you to explain your life situation and problems, without telling you what is wrong with you or prematurely trying to fit you into a standardized box (e.g., co-dependant, alcoholic, depressed, anxious, workaholic, or victim).

7. Listens to you in a caring, encouraging, and non-judgmental manner.  Do you feel that you could eventually tell this person your deepest secrets?

8. Is active and engaged. A good therapist listens in an active way, and responsive to your questions and needs. He/she also talks to you intelligently and sensibly.

9. Has studied and lived his/her theoretical orientation in depth and can talk about what he/she believes brings healing and transformation.

10. Is flexible and creative in terms of what is appropriate and helpful. Contrary to common practice, some clients can benefit from a walk in the park or a home visit; and when ethical and appropriate, a touch can still have more healing power than countless words.

11. Challenges your attitudes or behaviors. Therapists who are always "nice" and never challenge cannot be helpful. All of us need to be confronted occasionally -- with compassion and right timing -- in order to change and grow.

12. Is effective. Therapy must show some results within a few weeks or months -- not years. Evaluate regularly whether your thoughts, feelings, or behavior are changing as a result of therapy. If not, talk this over with your therapist. If s/he blames the lack of progress on your totally on your "resistance" or lack of motivation, maybe this is not the right therapist or therapy for you.

13. Maintains clear boundaries. No social, sexual or business relationships.

14. Seems professional, experienced, and knowledgeable with legitimate credentials.

15. Communicates well with parents when treating children and adolescents. A delicate balance must be reached between respecting adolescents' privacy and not keeping parents in the dark.

16. Does not focus exclusively on your childhood or your inner life. Make sure that the effect of real-life pressures and present day issues are valued and dealt with.

17. Seems to share your basic values but does not work too hard to prove how much you are alike (e.g. " I feel the same way." Or "I was molested too.") It is okay to ask about the therapist's values.

17. Is flexible about who can be part of therapy. Even in individual therapy it may be helpful to bring your spouse, lover, friend, children, or parent with you to therapy at times. In couple or family therapy, are individual and sub-group needs recognized and addressed?

18. Has a clear payment and cancellation policy.